(nonsensical rambling) I should be cheating, but I could never bring myself to

For two weeks in a row at this point, I have opened the assignments for my class and just not done them. They're very simple assignments, for a 100-level class. One is watching a documentary and writing down facts, and the other is just a discussion thread.

This is the kind of work I have absolutely zero ability to do. This is my torment nexus. Work that has absolutely zero value, that just exists to get a stamp. And like, most people are thankful for this kind of work, like "hell yeah this is so easy" but for me it's just the hardest thing in the world somehow.

And this isn't a new thing for me, it's something I've been doing since middle school. The only things I do in classes are projects that interest me, and group work, which is at least interesting due to the social aspects even if the work itself is completely worthless.

And I know everyone's cheating on this stuff. I go through the discussion threads trying to see if there's anything remotely interesting I can reply to to get at least a point or two. And it's invariably sloppy slop replying to slop sloppily. And I wouldn't feel good about adding on more slop to those threads, and even worse about clenching at straws to write some bullshit from scratch.

I've always put off these entry level classes, because I consistently fail them. Because they offer nothing to me. They're designed to be easy, targeted towards those who just want to tick a requirement box, but I just suck at that and I'm honestly not sure what to do about it.

And now I've completed every other class I need to graduate, and I just have these super-easy classes that I can't bring myself to do. I have the requirements of like 4 degrees done, except for these entry-level courses. It's insane. I'm insane. But I just can't do it. I can't do the busywork, and in this world, without the busywork, you can't get anywhere or do anything.

I could knock out these assignments in like 5 minutes with an LLM, like the whole world is doing, and I'd probably even get praised for it, but I would lose something about myself if I did that.

But when I don't, I kinda stay stuck in the same position forever. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm really not sure what the point of this post is. I suppose it's procrastination.